The Invisible Injury

Let's continue our exploration of the human mind.

 

What happens when you experience reality through identity? 

 

This is a very deep question that is important to understand, because this is the condition that most people find themselves in. Let's have a closer look at how identity functions. What identity means is that you believe ideas about yourself and about everything else. I am this and this and not that. He is this and this and not that. This situation is this and this and not that. This is problematic, because these thoughts are not you, not him, and not the actual situation. When the thing you are identified with then changes, as it always will, into something you don't want, the experience of what we call suffering is there. 

 

Can you now see the underlying problem of identity? 

 

The human mind identifies with so many things, my partner, my children, my job, my house, my pet, my physical body, my emotions, my beliefs. The list is endless.

 

How exactly do these identifications then turn into suffering?

 

The answer to this question is surprisingly simple. What the mind identifies with is bound to change, because of how physical life functions. When this happens there is a feeling of loss. This inevitably leads to psychological pain, especially when it's something that makes the mind very happy. The changing nature of physical life is something every human needs to navigate in life. Identification creates unnecessary extra psychological pain. 

 

There is also a deeper implication of suffering. This relates to the physical body and is a little more complex to explain. Let's start with a little story. 

 

A young child is playing with his new toy. He is so happy. Then his older sibling comes over and takes his toy. A flash of anger breaks out and the two boys start fighting over the toy. Immediately mum and dad intervene and the whole scene escalates. The boys are punished for their behavior. Anger is not allowed.

 

Unfortunately, this is how many parents treat their children. Instead of allowing and encouraging their children to express and understand the full range of emotions that come up, they are taught and often forced through punishment to suppress them. Not only parents, but also teachers in schools, and society at large participate in this behavior. The so-called negative emotions are treated as outlaws.

 

When you try to be a certain way, you unconsciously repress the opposite emotional state. This is problematic for the simple reason that whatever you repress never fully leaves your system. These emotions can grow stronger over time and interfere with the functioning of the body and the mind. Over time this can result in significant consequences for the human system. 

 

More and more people find themselves in life situations where there is disease without a clear understanding of why it's there and where it came from. Identification leading to repression as a potential cause is often overlooked, because it is so little understood.

 

At this point it is probably beneficial to have a closer look at the most common repressions in the human experience. 

 

How does repression function in everyday life? 

 

Whenever you express your emotion, if the other person repressed that emotion within themselves, they won't be able to experience that emotion with you in peace. Resistance will come to the surface and the person can unconsciously go to great lengths to keep that emotion away. They might run away, they might use another emotion to cover it up, they might attack with words, but whatever the reaction, it is wrapped up in fight, flight, or freeze. 

 

When this happens it is important to still discharge your emotion, but do it in a safe way, without causing harm to the other person. There can be instances where your emotion is too triggering for them, which is often the case when strong anger shows up, in this case it can be more beneficial for you both to leave the situation and discharge your emotion when you are alone. Discharging your emotions is important to keep you healthy. 

 

This goes both ways. Whenever someone else personifies something, whether it's an emotion or a mental concept you have repressed within yourself, resistance will come to the surface. You are triggered. You might not be able at first to stop yourself from unconsciously reacting to this trigger, but seeing what is going on within yourself is a major step in the right direction. 

 

Now what are the most common repressions? 

 

Let's start with the most controversial one, sexuality. 

 

There is much misunderstanding between both sexes and most people repress their sexuality to some extent. This often happens at an early age. When parents and peers don’t fully acknowledge the sexuality of the child or when the child is experiencing negative feedback about their physical appearance, it is likely that this child will repress his/her sexuality. 

 

When sexuality is repressed the individual becomes uncomfortable around the opposite sex, simply because of how repression works. This can manifest in many different ways and create situations that are difficult to deal with in a world where physical attraction is part of everyday life. There is nothing wrong with sexuality, we all have a gender. It's actually a natural part of life that can be a beautiful experience.

 

Let's move on to probably the most misunderstood emotion in the human experience, anger. 

 

When anger gets repressed you are dealing with a person that can't get angry, but that is actually angry on the inside. This situation can easily become like a ticking timebomb. When the build-up energy becomes too much to hold, the person can literally explode with anger. This can result in dangerous situations. Anger generates large amounts of energy and when there is also loss of control many things can happen. 

 

Anger is an important emotion to establish healthy boundaries and to protect yourself. Without a healthy expression of anger you allow other people to take advantage of you and walk over you. It's natural to express little outbursts of anger, as long as it does not harm the other person. You will also see that this quickly creates space for different emotions to emerge. This is much healthier for both the situation and you yourself. 

 

The next emotion I want to explore with you is sadness. Have you ever realized how close this emotion is to anger? It's because they share the same trigger. The difference only lies in how the energy gets expressed. When your desire goes unfulfilled there is a certain energy. Active expression of this energy we call anger and passive expression of this energy we call sadness. People often oscillate between the two. One moment they are angry and the next they are sad. 

 

If sadness gets repressed you are dealing with a person that can't cry, but is actually very sad on the inside. Just as with anger it is important to learn to express this emotion in safe ways. Allowing yourself to be sad when it's there is healthy. If you have to cry, just let it out and don't care about what other people think. If it is really too inconvenient for you to cry, then you can remove yourself from the situation and cry. Little outbursts like this are normal and healthy when the energy is there, it creates a certain relief. 

 

Let's move on to what might be the most important repression to uncover, fear. 

 

Fear is a wonderful emotion, because it helps you keep yourself alive. Without fear you might not be here today. It is totally natural to be afraid when a tiger is eyeing you as his next meal. The only problem now is that fear has become unnatural and the underlying problem is mind identification. When you are identified with beliefs and all you have is the story about yourself, anything that can challenge those beliefs or threaten your story can generate fear in you. Just the very process of life itself will challenge those beliefs and threaten this story in so many different ways. Fear of so many things can be there, often unconsciously. 

 

When fear is repressed you are dealing with a person that does not know how to utilize fear as a form of protection, but is actually very afraid. This person often remains in situations they are afraid of without actively trying to change, because they don’t acknowledge that they are afraid. On the other hand, they might avoid certain activities, because they are unconsciously afraid of it. The healthy thing to do is to acknowledge that the fear is often rooted in identification, rather than immediate threat. Then the opportunity to allow it to be there, and still engage in the activity can open up. 

 

When fear is repressed the system is in a constant state of alarm. This can easily lead to all kinds of health difficulties. This is why this is probably the most important repression to uncover.